Sunday, May 30, 2010

Jolting back to reality

We just got back from the so called "happiest place on earth," drove home yesterday, back to my new normal. I'd have to say that I had a huge escape from reality while I was there. We had a great time, my son just reached 40 inches and was ecstatic to go on some of the bigger rides. Believe me I know how blessed I am to have a living son that I can take to Disneyland and enjoy it with him for his first time. So many moms don't have the luxury as they have not brought a living child home.

We got to see most of the characters, except his favorite, Snow White. Just planning the trip was an escape from reality.

So I sorta had a very long break and it felt pretty good until the trip home where I sobbed and cried with huge reminders that my grief is not over. So I'm not sure I recommend escaping from reality because the downside is it is a huge drop back down to reality when its over. And I feel like I have to redeal with lots of things again. It gets a little weary when you think you are doing pretty good and then it all comes back and you know your going to have to sit with it again and deal. It's like the escape from reality was nice but I lost all the things that were helping me with my grief and since I haven't had to use any of them for so long, I forgot what they all were and now I need those things.

During the trip it was weird how I could seriously feel like not a thing was wrong but then there were always subtle reminders. In the hotel 4 towels when we only needed 3. And lots of newborn babies with their 3 year old brother everywhere. But it was pretty easy to go right back to my escape. Until the ride home.

Balloon Release for Gracie:

Previous to the trip my old college friends did a balloon release for Gracie which was sort of a suprise to me. We usually get together once a year and this time we met up at Silver Creek Falls and at the end of the get together, they brought out balloons and actually talked about Gracie and how she impacted them. And it was nice to have some IRL friends recognize her.

Several anniversaries and due dates coming up:

Michelle at My World will have the anniversary of when Xavier was born this Friday, June 4.
Megan at Graceful Willow will be facing Grace's 5 month birthday June 15 and Grace's due date June 25 and Megan's own birthday is June 16th. Lots of days that can be difficult. Megan and Ryan really love the Weeping Willow tree and images of these.
I'm thinking it would be nice to shower them with name photos which can help bring some light to these times. Anything would be great no matter how creative. I once saw a name written in the peanut butter of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but it could be any way you can think of to write Xavier or Grace's name.

So if you think of it send either one of these mamma's a name photo.

Here's a few examples that took less than 5 minutes to send off:


  1. I'm so glad you were able to have a little get away! Getting away is good, but you are right. It's a real shock when you come home to reality. It's so sweet your friends had a balloon release for Gracie! And so sweet of you to think of other Mommies & their babies. XO

  2. i'm glad you had a good time at disney! i understand the whole jolt back to 'new normal' though. we've gone on a couple of weekend getaways only to return to the 'new normal' full force. thank you for thinking of me and megan and mentioning us in your post. *HUGS*

  3. An escape from reality can be both a good and bad thing. But it is nice to get away with your family and have that time together.