Being a dead baby mom (DBM) is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I have been thinking about how it has its benefits and how blessed I am. Just tonight I was IM'ing with a DBM from Ireland who I met on facebook and would never have met her without having gone through this. We were talking about how our faith has really got us through. She shared that it really annoyed her at first when her friend told her "not everybody gets to have an angel in heaven." Now she agrees. It's really true we're special because we have a precious baby who has never been hurt by anything, and waiting for us in heaven. She's already there and not everybody gets that. I told her I need to paint that on my walls so I don't ever forget it because there are times I do. We have our son on earth which is fabulous and it will only be even better if he decides to follow Jesus, and ends up in heaven with us also eventually but we have no concerns at all that Gracie won't be waiting for us in heaven.
There is a special bond because no one else understands what it's like to be a DBM. I can look into the eyes of a stranger who has just told me she is a DBM and without saying a word we know what its like. I have been blessed not only by new DBM friends but old friends as well that I had no idea they were DBM's. Many have bravely told me their story, and hearing from them and sharing brings a special bond like none other.
I look at life so much differently now, I know how precious life is, how precious my little boy is that I get to be with him each day and his adorable and hysterical moments have increased ten fold. I used to be extremely task oriented, and I've slowed way down. I smell the roses now. I have rocked Gavin before bed since he was a tiny baby and sang to him and we still do. When we found out we were having Gracie we sang a special song to her as well. Gavin still wants to sing to her, he's such a sweety pie.
I'm more forgiving than I've ever been even with my self. I think to my self "give yourself a break, you've been through a lot." I see people differently now. You never know what somebody has been through, you never know who needs a break because of what they've been through.
What I'm saying is that I think I'm going to make it. God is with me and is there to help whenever I ask, even though I don't deserve it. I am grateful.
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