No matter what God allows or doesn't allow, God has drawn me closer and closer to his side. I've asked him for help hundreds of times and each time he gives me help. God loves and wants a relationship with us. Just like most earthly parents would be willing to allow a bad thing to happen to our child if it was the best thing for him in the long run. And God knows the best thing for us is to be in relationship with him who loves us better than anyone. Maybe I don't see the big picture like God does, but I believe he knows what's best for me. Ultimately it's not really about me anyway, despite my humaness of usually thinking that it is about me. God will do whatever God will do and it will bring glory to him.
I love this story I remember reading when I was in college and I have been searching for and finally found it:
There once was a farmer who owned a horse. And one day the horse ran away. All
the people in the town came to console him because of the loss. "Oh, I don't
know," said the farmer, "maybe it's a bad thing and maybe it's not."
A few days later, the horse returned to the farm accompanied by 20 other horses.
(Apparently he had found some wild horses and made friends!) All the townspeople
came to congratulate him: "Now you have a stable full of horses!" "Oh, I don't
know," said the farmer, "maybe it's a good thing and maybe it's not."
A few days later, the farmer's son was out riding one of the new horses. The horse got wild and threw him off, breaking the son's leg. So all the people in town came to
console the farmer because of the accident. "Oh, I don't know," said the farmer,
"maybe it's a bad thing and maybe it's not."
A few days later, the government declared war and instituted a draft of all able-bodied young men. They came to the town and carted off hundreds of young men, except for the farmer's son who had a broken leg. "Now I know," said the farmer, "that it was a good thing my horse ran away."
(I'm sorry I don't know who wrote the story if anyone reads this and knows the author let me know so that I can give them credit.)
Even though I don't see the big picture God does and he wants the best for us. Maybe some day I will understand better the chain of events that leads me to say "now I know.... it was a good thing that Gracie went to heaven before we could see her on earth."
God has been trying to get me to read and study Psalm 18. First it was my mom who was trying to get me to join an online Bible Study earlier last week and they were studying Psalm 18, so I read it and tried to do the study but just couldn't concentrate. And then at church yesterday the pastor started a new series and preached on Psalm 18. When the pastor read it I told Laiman, "I just read that and it seems really familiar to me." And now I wish I would have wrote better notes because the way my brain is working, I didn't realize until after the service and mentioned it to my mom she reminded me that it was the same passage as I had studied earlier. So one way or another God is trying to get my attention with Psalm 18.
"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my
rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation,
And I believe this is why:
He wantes me to know that no that no matter what my circumstances are that he is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my fortress, and my deliverer. And no matter how my life changes and my circumstances change he does not change he is always there to comfort me when I ask and he will always be there for me.