And then I think why does God allow this much suffering? The God I believe in wants the best for us not to harm us but to give us a hope and future. Do I really believe this is the best for us, sometimes I don't. Is this path that we're all going down the best for all of us? When I don't believe it's God's best, I become very dark and sad and it's not at all where I want to be. I flail around like a chicken. So I ask for help and he brings it. He just reminded me earlier this morning something that a friend told me when Gracie was first diagnosed. Just like Mary was meant to be the mother of Jesus and she had to watch him sacrifice (in the most painful way anybody could ever imagine) his life for us. I will not be who I am meant to be if I don't go through this, God is in control of it and he means it for good. The sufferering will be worth it in the end. I just can't see how it's worth it at this point. So I have to believe (without seeing) that it's worth it.
We're reading Joyce Meyers book, "Never Give Up" in my Bible study. She descibes a chicken:
"They will scratch and flap around the barnyard making noise instead of soaring
confidenently and smoothly above the storms beneath them."
And an eagle:
"God wants us to be an "eagle Christian," one who can fly high, be bold, live
with power, keep circumstances and relationships in perspective, live at peace,
stay strong, and soar above the storms of life. Begin to see yourself that way,
because that's the way God sees you. Begin to value yourself, because He values
you. Walk out of any "chicken mentality" you may have, and live like the eagle
you were created to be."
So what am I going to choose to believe despite the suffering in this world. I'm going to choose to believe that God is on my side even if I don't see the whole picture. I'm going to walk out of my chicken mentality because I want to soar like an "Eagle Christian."