Saturday, February 27, 2010

Relearning the Truth

This grief has really jolted me and thrown me out of coarse and I feel like I have to relearn some important truths and relearn the basics. I even feel shaken in the simplest things, even praying. I found myself praying the other day but I wasn't sure even how to pray for someone who needs healing, because God doesn't always heal. Shouldn't I always try to pray in God's will? So I had to get back to the basics. Does God want us to be heale?. Well obviously he doesn't always heal on earth but if he doesn't heal on earth he always heals in heaven. And because we live in a fallen world we should always pray for healing. He didn't want death or disease but it is the consequence of living in a fallen world. So I should always pray for healing when someone needs it.

We live in a fallen world (Genesis 3) where there is disease and death and God allowed it. The Bible doesn't always make it clear why he allowed it but I believe its because he knew what was more important, a relationship with him and unfortunately it has ended up allowing suffering which I believe God hates immensely. But without a choice to choose between good and evil, I believe we would end up like robots and God loved us so much he wanted a relationship with us so he allowed our suffering so that we could have a choice and have a relationship with him. And he will redeem the suffering one way or another in his time sometimes on earth but sometimes not until we are in heaven.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or
mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed. He who was
seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "write
this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Rev 21:4-5

So I feel like I have to relearn some important things. I hate how my grief has turned me into a an ugly, angry, depressed person who doesn't even know how to pray. My emotions go up and down. Michelle at My World explains what it's like so well.

But I am a child of God despite what my grief feels like at this point. This may sound familiar if you ever read Beth Moore's book "Believing God." Ephesians 1:3-8 points out that "I am who God says I am."

I am blessed in the heavenly realm with every blessing of Jesus Christ. Everything that Jesus Christ was blessed with is what we are blessed with.

I am loved beyond measure.

I am chosen before the creation of the world. God chose me and adopted me in love as his child even though I feel so ugly from my grief. I have the most perfect father in all creation, God, and He loves me no matter what I do or don't do. He loves me no matter how ugly I feel. I am accepted. Despite my ugliness he still wants me and loves me. There's nothing I can do to make God love me more and there is nothing I can do that would make God love me less.

I am redeemed in grace through the blood of Jesus Christ. Despite my horrible sins, I will never have to pay the price and I will never be held accountable for my sins because I have been redeemed and Jesus paid for all of our sins with his blood on the cross. He chose to suffer and die for me so that I am free from the burden of sin and it allows me to live eternally. And I am forgiven for all the horrible sins I have commited. There's nothing I have done that will make God love me less and he has forgiven all of it.

So despite my ugly grief I am going to choose to believe that I am who God says I am and I am going to claim these truths for myself.


  1. Claiming them with you! I too had and still have some trouble praying. I dont want to have space between God and myself but ever since we lost Bryston, I just cant seem to pray like I use to. Im working on it. I really hope that that old ease of a conversation with Him will return soon. *HUGS*

  2. oh, it's terrible to be able to relate such horrible feelings with someone, but wonderful as well because i know that this must be normal. we'll get to our 'new normal' and we'll stay strong in our faith because we have each other and many other women who understand too, praying when we are able. praying is very different for me too; i find it hardest to pray for healing for babies because my baby died...i hate not always being able to pray for my friends, but i know that this too shall pass (i just hope it's sooner rather than later) and i'll be stronger in my faith for it (hopefully)! even when i don't pray i think of you and other women i have met through this loss often. thanks for linking my blog...again it is wonderful and horrible to be able to relate to each other because of this grief!