Sunday, April 18, 2010

Happy 101 Blog Award!!! (My First One)

Wow, Rachel from Curls of Fred gave me my first blog award!! I'm so honored!! Rachel is a beautiful artist who posts her beautiful and meaningful art on a regular basis. I look forward to seeing it each and every time she posts. She also hoped to bring her baby girl Lyra home, safe and healthy but has had to adjust to the fact that she didn't come home due to a cord accident. She gave birth to her, December 18, 2009, just 8 days after I gave birth to Gracie. I feel like I can relate so much to her journey through grief and maybe because we have a similar timeline.

The rules of this award are:
1. copy and paste the award on your blog.
2. list who gave the award to you and use a link to her/his blog (or hyperlink).
3. list 10 things that make you happy.
4. pass the award on to other bloggers and visit their blog to let them know about the award.

10 things that make me happy (in no particular order):

1. Jesus
without Him I would have no hope or healing
love it that the Holy Spirit dances and sings around me in delight and love the moments when the Holy Spirit gives me answers that I have been looking for

2. Laiman
even though he doesn't relate to my grief much, he is a solid rock and does not waver in his belief that Jesus loves us and we can put our trust and hope in him, very thankful for him

3. Gavin
a few days ago he was pretending to be my doctor checking my eyes and ears and then held the radio up to my stomach and said he needed to check Gracie's glad he hasn't forgotten her

especially love rocking him before bed and singing Baby Mine to him and love it that he wants to sing Jesus Loves me to Gracie every night

love looking forward to going to Disneyland with him in May. He's almost 40 inches and will be able to ride on more rides at this height. I love his fearless spirit and that he wants to go on the roller coaster rides

love it that we both love building train tracks and playing with trains.

4. Gracie
my sweet baby girl, we can worship God together, and I have hope that I will see you again and hold you and that you will know how much I love you. so blessed to have an unharmed, never disappointed or hurt sweet baby girl and I look forward to seeing you

4. Family and Friends
love making new friends and recently have met so many blms who thankfully i can relate to when it doesn't seem like i can relate to anyone else. So fortunate to have met my bb through this journey!!

friends that I had recently become close to since we just moved here less than 3 years ago. Especially my friend Lana who made a beautiful tree skirt for our Christmas tree which included all of our names, she didn't leave Gracie out and now I have something with all of our names on it and she left room to add more names should we need it. Just after losing Gracie it was just what I needed to look at and it reeeeeallly helped me get through Christmas when not many people would mention her name to me, I just looked at the tree skirt. She is a IRL friend who gets it.

Old friends like my friend Kyoko who still checks in with me and really wants to know how I'm doing not afraid to mention Gracie's name and is open to listening to my grief with a sensitive, compassionate ear. Even if she lives hundreds of miles away I'm thankful that she has checked in with me.

the friends who thoughtfully gave meals to us and made meals for us just after we lost Gracie.

All the cards and notes that friends and family sent especially at the beginning. But especially the snail mail cards that I received even a few weeks ago are the one's I'm most thankful for.

really love that my family has been there for me so much through this time, whether it selfless loving gestures like my sister making the blanket for Gracie or my mom who has just stayed with me and Gavin when Laiman had to be away for training.

5. Lilly and Chleo (my kitties)
especially that Chleo will let me hold her like a baby and she doesn't mind too much and that Lilly will at least cuddle with me even if she won't let me hold her like a baby. It probably sounds crazy but i am so grateful for them!!

6. Walks to the park
so grateful that I have a beautiful park 1 1/2 blocks from my house, that has a 3 1/2 mile trail around it, including 3 playgrounds, a Japanese garden, and hundreds of varieties of trees, absolutely gorgeous any time of year. especially loving the warm days at the park, where at dusk the air is calm and the water on the lake is still, breathtaking.

7. Avoiding something I need to do by spontaneously doing something else that's much more fun.
I'm currently suppose to be cleaning my house because my mom and dad are coming to stay with us this week but I switched to blogging instead, much more fun. but I love a day when nothing is planned and going from one thing to the next without knowing what the next thing will be. Probably why I like staying at home with Gavin instead of working away from home.

8. Amazing Race, American Idol, Lost, The Middle, and Survivor
much less meaningful but always a good escape and something I look forward to. Not everything wholesome brings happiness.

9. my Bible and One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie
its been several years since I have really delved in and wanted to read my Bible like this devotional has got me wanting to read it. She has really helped me have some closure to some of the lingering doubts and questions I've had since losing Gracie.

10. Going Out for Dinner
I usually plan our meals out 1 week in advance and I cook most of our food from scratch. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I love going out to eat usually once a week and I love doing it at the spur of the moment unplanned. Especially for Thai food.

And I pass this award onto the following bloggers (I don't know who may have gotten it already):

Megan at Graceful Willow
so glad we found in each other and so thankful that you have been able to help me understand what I'm feeling and not just bury it under my thoughts. and love that we can have fun and laugh even though were hundreds of miles away

Lynette at Little Grains of Sand
just found your blog a few weeks ago but was so touched by the beauty and grace you display in your grief. i felt like reading your blog helped me have faith that God isn't just jerking me around.

Michelle at Leaning on Everlasting Arms
so touched by your faith and Godly insight. and thankful that you turned me on to that Nancy Guthrie devotional.


  1. Yay for your very first blog award! I like holding my kitties like babies too...but none of them really enjoy it. They put up with it, but then want to be put down right away! :)

  2. Beautifully written....I teared up when you wrote Gavin needed to check Gracie's precious! xo