still swimming in my thoughts. So I've been reading a new devotional "One Year Book of Hope," by Nancy Guthrie. Thank you Michelle for the recommendation, it has been so helpful!! And after reading Week 2, Wresting With God, I had decided to take myself down the line of thinking that God isn't necessarily completely sovereign. He is but in the case of Jesus, he allowed Jesus to suffer and die even though I'm sure God hated to see it and didn't want it. A truly sovereign God could have made a way for Jesus to be our Savior without all that suffering. But for whatever reason he didn't so he had to allow the suffering. And did He really have to make the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:16-17.) Couldn't he accomplish what he wanted to accomplish, a relationship with us without putting the tree of knowledge in the garden? And then sin would not have entered the world, I mean he knew that we would end up disobeying and taking the fruit from the tree of life. Maybe we would not be able to feel the impact of true love without suffering and sacrifice and so without the tree of good and evil and the disobedience which was inevitable which then allowed disease, suffering and death into our world, we wouldn't have been able to really know the true impact of how much God loves us?
I don't know I just feel right now like it would be so helpful to understand why God allowed disease, suffering and death. I'm feeling more at peace believing that it was the only way we would fully understand how much God loves us. What if we didn't know love. Would not knowing love in the end be worse than the suffering we have endured. I believe it would be.