Thursday, November 12, 2009

Settling On a Doctor with help from friends of friends
Let me tell you it has been so nice to be able to communicate, process everything and get support through this blog. I think it has saved me on therapy bills. Some people think it's strange that I'm willing to tell so many people our story. But you never know if you tell someone who knows someone who knows someone. They might have an answer you don't currently have. A friend of a friend is a labor and delivery nurse and she has been a great resource for me. She also has worked in Portland and was able to confirm a recommendation for a perinatologist at Salmon Creek in Vancouver (much closer hospital for us.) He is the same perinatologist that a blogger who had a baby, named Owen, with trisomy 18 about a year ago, delivered with and recommends and said that he is a Christian. I'm leaning on going to this doctor instead of delivering in Longview. I just feel like I'll have more confidence and less doubts if we go with him

Chorioamniotic Separation
I was doing some on-line research last night bound to get to the bottom of what this gap between the bag of waters and uterus means. I discovered that the technical name for the gap between the bag of waters and uterus that isn't suppose to be there, is called chorioamniotic separation.

And it means that I'm more at risk for preterm labor, miscarriage and hemorrhaging. I have read that many woman who have this have been told by there doctor that they need bed rest. I'm upset that my general practice doctor, local baby doctor didn't even know what this is and the perinatologist didn't tell me if I need to be doing anything different? Now maybe there is different schools of thought here. Maybe some believe bedrest doesn't make a difference, I'm not sure. But it's another doubt I have with the current perinatologist. And confirms my gut instinct to go to the other perinatologist in Vancouver.

Heaven is a Wonderful Place
I was feeling like some of my hope of being able to hold Gracie alive is gone. So I started asking God for help. And just as I prayed for help, the package with my books from heaven that I ordered arrived at the door.

God is so good. The children's book about heaven may be more for me than for Gavin. It reminded me that God loves Gracie even more than I do. And I love her a lot so if he can love her even more than me and if she doesn't get to be in my arms..... she gets to be with Jesus, what better place for her is there than with him. And nothing bad ever happens in heaven, no more tears, no more sadness, no more pain, only good. She'll get to be with my Grandmas, Laimans' Grandpas, with Isaac her cousin and with our friends baby Roland and all the other millions of babies who died before they were born. My Grandma Wach can make her the best fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and apple pie and Gracie can eat it with no health consequences:) And not only that but God made a way for us to be all together again someday because of Jesus.

And I know there will be a lot of pain that goes with this for us left here without her. But I know the best comfort I can get for that pain can only come from God. My first defense is to be mad at God and I know that that's ok too, just like Job. But I don't want to be mad for too long because I want my comfort too. Who doesn't?

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